Look what we've got...

Apologies for the poor quality studio background and lighting, that's the store room.

Crockatt & Powell Open Late On Wednesdays Fulham Road

The Fulham Road shop is now open from 9am to 9pm on Wednesdays.

The Power of Noo

If I wrote a book called The Power of Noo how many copies do you think I would sell?

I would write under the name Egbert Tooler.

I'd be happy with 1% of Tolle's sales.

In fact I'm not joking any more - let's make this a pitch.

The Power of Noo by Egbert Tooler

Have you ever woken up in the morning and wished you were dead?

Have you ever done something really bad and wished the ground would open up and swallow you?

Have you ever walked into a black tie event with a purple bow tie on?

Have you ever walked into a party and seen someone in exactly the same dress?

You have? THEN YOU MUST BUY THIS BOOK IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE AGAIN AND AGAIN.

IF YOU WOULD JUST READ THIS BOOK ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WOULD VANISH.

HONEST.

Not convinced? You want more detail? Ok, the Power of Noo works like this. When/if you find yourself in one of the above situations you just close your eyes and count to 10. Then yell NOOOOOOOOO as loud as you can and you'll feel a lot better. Soon after you will realise your life is perfect and it will stay that way forever.

PS If you (yeah you) nick my idea and publish this book I will hunt you down and eliminate you.

Game of Monopoly anybody?

Not super recent news I know but Amazon has just bought AbeBooks. Great.

Till Monkeys

A friend went into her local Books Etc. to have a look at a book recommended to her (although she won't be a friend for much longer if she continues to go into her local Books Etc. looking for books recommended to her - Are you reading this!?). Anyway, it was The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, published in 1999 since when it has been on the New York Times bestseller list and translated into 33 languages. She asked the assistant for The Power of Now by somebody Eckhart. The assistant had not only not heard of it but failed to find it on their database and confidently announced that it didn't exist and she was mistaken.

I knew about the book instantly so this obviously and conclusively proves the inherent superiority of independent bookshops! Or sort of. Case closed my friends, case closed. Ha!

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

The weather men were hedging their bets. A dark cloud with rain drops falling out of it and a sun peeking from behind. Don't get me started. I loathe those charlatans and their computer predictions of doom. Why don't they want people to go outside? In defiance I leaped out of bed and began packing. Ok ok ok so I don't do packing. But I did get dressed in about three seconds using my patented technique...

Digression:

How to get dressed in three and a half seconds: TM

1: When you get undressed pull down trousers and boxers and socks in one movement leaving them on the floor by the bed where they fell.

2: Take off shirt and chuck on floor.

Upon waking:

3: Stand, bleary eyed, in position with feet in trouser legs. Slip on socks. Pull up trousers and boxers in one fluid motion.

4: Pick up shirt off floor and put on.

Dah Daaah!

We left the flat in record time and were at Victoria in time for the 9:45 train. For reading material I had the Sunday Times, the Hesperus edition of A Hero of Our Time by Mikhail Lermontov and Charlie and Lola's Haircut Sticker Book. I read about Russian troops fighting Georgians in South Ossetia, then read about Russian troops seducing Caucasian women in South Ossetia then stuck funny wigs on Charlie that were really meant for Lola whilst yelling with glee at a passing JCB racing track. Most of my life consists of similarly bizarre clashes of media and culture these days.

Arriving in Broadstairs we bought our meat pies filled with real Kent meat and then slapped on the sun cream and hit the beach. But that's cutting a longer story short. To get to the beach we had to negotiate troops of Morris dancers and ale-quaffing, bell-covered folk-music lovers. It was Broadstairs folk week. (Another clash of cultures that. Ale drinking plump middle-aged folk VS lager swilling, skinny teen wide boys and their scantily clad, breezer drinking schoolgirlfriends. )

On the beach we had great times building sandcastles and stamping on them.

Then we had great times catching creatures. (A small crab, several shrimp and a beautiful starfish - all released back into the wild as soon as mum had seen them.)

While Finn slept I drank Hobgoblin and consumed the remains of the paper (yes I ate it) whilst
the Maz wandered round the folk stalls. She later described them as selling "the biggest pile of tat I've ever seen". I was very relieved to see she didn't come back with a rainbow coloured hat. What is it about folk music that makes people appreciate rainbow hats? And clogs. And baggy striped trousers? The music is often great but the apparel is fu*king terrible.

Finn woke up and we ate dripping ice-creams and listened to an impromptu folk gig that started on the bench opposite us. I really do love folk music. But why? Why? Why? Why the bad clothes? Even I - possibly the most fashion challenged man in the world - can see how dumb those people look. The kids might be pissed up and loud but at least they looked great.

And all the while the sun beat down. White heat. Blue sky. The sounds of the sea and accordions.

Then back to London after a brief argument about who lost Finn's shoes.

In London it was raining. Raining and raining.

But we took a chance and went to be beside the seaside and had a lovely day.

Gadget Boy

I made an executive decision. The C&P IT dept. really needed a new mobile. It's just arrived...

Excuse me while I dance a jig of unadulterated joy in the middle of the shop.

Amazonia

Brilliant, curmudgeonly article on amaz*n and e-readers.

YouTube noodling

Had one of those evenings flitting around YouTube listening to music and watching videos and realising that you're getting older and that whatever the opposite of 'Down With the Kids' is, that's you.

Anyway, I liked this one. Nice enough tune but anybody who gets Natalie Portman and Bollywood dancing into their video deserves as much recognition and praise as possible. So, in my own small way...

Least appropriate book jacket award

I can just imagine the meeting at Sales and Marketing:

'It's by a 47 year old man whose life, body and mind have, well, fallen apart'

'Is it funny?'

'Er, no, not really. In fact I'd hazard he was clinically depressed when he wrote it'

'Not funny at all?'

'Really, no. It's incredibly bleak. This is the mind of a certain type of middle aged man who really cannot see any future for himself or the world'

'Can we get anybody to say it's funny?'

'...Er... I suppose... There's plenty of Rent A Quotes out there we can use'

'Great! And falling apart you say? My kids love that Mr Potato Head toy where you stick the bits onto him and they fall off again. Stick that on the cover! They'll love it!'

And so it goes...

Free Stuff

Occasionally publishers send us unsolicited free stuff and occasionally it turns out to be a real treat. So thanks to the brilliant Atlas Press for sending us The Philosopher's Madonna, The Sixth Sense, The Deliquescences of Andre Floupette and Mirror of Tauromachy!

Crooked Stairs

This is amazing.

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn RIP

Very sad to hear of the death of one of Russia's greatest writers Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.

Reading One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich was an experience that I think I could say changed my life.

My dad built a bookcase his architect friend said was impossible. It should have collapsed or fallen over right away but it didn't. It withstood many years of use and held hundreds of books of all shapes and sizes, completely covering one wall in the living room from floor to ceiling. As time goes by I am increasingly convinced that this wall of books is one of the reasons I now find myself surrounded by books on all sides. If I was bored I could just go and grab a book. And because my parents were big readers there were always plenty of great books just waiting to blow my tiny teenage brain apart...

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich was a book that seemed to ooze importance. I passed over it it several times until the day arrived when I felt ready to read it. I was suitably impressed. As a portrayal of survival, the sheer power of the imperative to live at all costs, it was stunning. What I was less aware of were the political surroundings. I knew that Stalin was a monster - but only in a vague and hazy way. How could ideas, mental constructs - ideas that were supposed to enhance the living conditions for all mankind - lead to such horrors?

Later I read Arthur Koestler's Darkness at Noon

And I have recently read Simon Sebag Montefire's Sashenka which charts the progress of a youthful revolutionary's arc from idealistic Bolshevik through to her despicable end at the hands of the party she helped to create.

(If you prefer non-fiction then Anne Applebaum's superb book Gulag is essential reading)

Solzhenitsyn was an important figure because he never shut up. He insisted on reminding people of the horrors of the gulag in the same way that Primo Levi and others have helped to keep the holocaust in the minds of the masses.

A great man has died. But his books survive and will continue to be read for as long as a civilised and just society remains a work in progress...

How is it...

...that the noisy, jostling, overwhelming metropolis leaves us at once so energized and so fragile?"

SOFT CITY by Jonathan Raban is back in Picador.

Something boring and sensible.

here

That's just great

Some upstanding pillar of the community has let their dog take a shit outside our window and not picked it up.

I am thinking bad thoughts...

Twisted Spoon Press

Well, there's something to be said for spending too much time in a bookshop on Saturday morning after all...

You might just discover brilliant books in it.

Like of kids and parents by emil hakl from the excellent Twisted Spoon Press.

Take a father. Add his son. Place them in Prague and watch them wander about from pub to pub. Listen to their rambling conversation. Find yourself in literary heaven.

(I'm always quoting chunks of books out of context and it never really works but I'll do it again because I just have to ok?)

"Boy was I glad to get a chance to read Joyce's Ulysees back when I had my pancreas operated on, Iva brought it to the hospital, because I'd asked her to bring some really thick book, I'd meant something like Melville or Victor Hugo, I'd even have enjoyed reading Kipling again after so many years, but Iva just took all the thick books off the shelf, looked at them and put the thickest in her bag and that turned out to be a copy of Ulysees, which someone had forgotten at my place at some point...It wasn't you by any chance was it?"

"No, I've got my copy at home. I've started reading it two or three times over the years but have given up every time somewhere around page fifty."

"Oh well, I finished it, you know I was reading it so attentively, like nothing before because I was thinking that it might just be the last thing I get to read in this world! I was taking in every word, not that I understood any of it, but at the time I didn't care...This sort of literature - what's called belles lettres - is mainly for people who otherwise don't get a lot out of life, it's for miserable bastards, you know. Everybody else, those who are healthy and have money, they only look at it as a bit of light, tedious entertainment before falling asleep."

Something for the Weekend

After seeing a prom performance of Richard Strauss's last songs I popped into Gramex on Lower Marsh and purchased a slab of vinyl for £3.

As with every purchase I have ever made in this fine establishment it is in great condition, a beautiful performance and generally excellent in every way. I now have Richard Strauss to explore.

Come to think of it maybe it's the Strauss that accounts for the terrible bout of melancholia that seems to be sweeping through my life these last few days. The Germans are fantastic at moaning.

But I have one and a half days off coming up. Perhaps a good dose of Finn and family will sort my black-clouded head out. (Or maybe I'm just missing the football?)

Anyway. Youtube. Gramophone. Strauss. Enjoy...

From the C&P IT dept: Spot the Difference

Dell do the design-y thing. I know which one I'd rather have...

But even if you do prefer the Dell (if you're blind or something) then you still have to put up with the truly ghastly Vista, an operating system of pig-like clunkitude.

Ouch!

Michael Bywater on Julie Burchill in today's Independent.

'In the same way, Burchill is a professional noise, a comic turn of the old Les Dawson sort but without the linguistic invention, the observation and the jokes.'

C'mon Michael, tell us what you really think! (His Big Babies book from last year is great)

Anyway, it's the weekend. Here's some pop music I liked this week. She's Norwegian...