The Pitch

Noticing that Gordan Ramsey's production company are just down the road from us behind the Cut I've got a brilliant plan for C&P global expansion:

'CROCKATT & POWELL'S BOOKSHOP NIGHTMARES

With a combination of raw talent, ability, confidence and sheer bloody hubris, Crockatt & Powell the hugely experienced and three star Nibbied* booksellers travel the country offering advice and solace to poor deluded amateurs attempting to fulfill their life's dream. Here are some samples from the pilot show:

"A SHOP F***ING CAT. ARE YOU F***ING JOKING ME. THAT'S AGAINST THE F***ING LAW THAT IS. YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE A F***ING JOB. YOU'RE A F***ING JOKE YOU BUNCH OF C****.

3 FOR F***ING 2. ARE YOU TRYING TO F*** ME IN THE A***. THAT'S SO F***ING NINETIES YOU MISERABLE T****

F***ING REMAINDERS (SORRY, BIN ENDS). THAT MIGHT BE ALRIGHT FOR LITTLE F***ING HAMPTON-ON-THE-F***ING-MARSH BUT PLAY TO YOUR F***ING STRENGTHS YOU C****. LOCAL F***ING PRODUCE, SOURCED LOCALLY. NOTHING F***ING BETTER.

WHOLESALER CHRISTMAS CATALOGUES? F*** ME WHAT A WASTE OF F***ING TIME. YOU F***ING AMATEURS. GROW A F***ING BRAIN AND DO SOME F***ING WORK YOU A***HOLES.

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR F***ING WINDOW! IF WE WEREN'T WORLD- RENOWNED(**) BOOKSELLERS WE'D THROW A BOOK THROUGH THROUGH THE C****.

THIRD F***ING PARTIES TRYING TO SAVE YOU MONEY BY OFFERING THE BEST DISCOUNTS? F*** OFF. THEY'RE C****. F*** 'EM. GO STRAIGHT TO THE HORSES F***ING MOUTH.

ARE YOU F***ING TRYING TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?!

And on and on and on and on.

So! What do ya reckon? It's a sure fire banker if you ask us...'

*Waste of space, non-prize.

** TM