I open the box from Tiptree expecting some goodies only to be confronted with Crystal by the esteemable and pneumatic Katie Price and The Invisible Wall by Harry Bernstein: 'A heart-wrenching memoir... brilliantly illuminates a family struggling valiantly to beat impossible odds' according to the New York Times.
Jordan and misery memoirs? Who ordered this?
Matthew! Have you started smoking crack now? Have the squatters next door grasped you to the bosom of their anti-social insanity? Is this the end of our partnership?
Oh. The invoice is to Eric Morton of Didsbury, Greater Manchester. Sorry Matthew, an honest mistake.
Mr Morton, we have your books.