Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Tale of Finji

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a small but perfectly formed geezer named Finn.

He lived with his mum and dad but at night would travel the world using his secret powers. On one such escapade he flew East and then a bit further East until he arrived in the land of the rising sun. There he studied for years and years developing his Ninja powers. When he returned it was morning and he'd only been away for the night. Weird.

Dad was stumbling around as usual in a state of near undress.

He wrestled our tiny hero into his high chair and began the daily ritual of stuffing the little face with tasty goo.

But this morning was different. Finn had Ninja powers...

When dad tried a spoon of goo Finn responded with THE WAY OF THE IRON LIP.

Dad tried again and again to prise the little gob open but in vain. The lips were closed and tough as a vice.

Then, as dad was on the point of losing his rag, the tiny titan unleashed THE SILENT BUT SUDDEN ATTACK OF THE SPOON CHOP. This was a really complex but very simple technique that had taken years of sitting under trees to perfect. One moment Finn was banging his hand on the table, the next, in the merest blink of an eye, he reached out, took the spoon, and chucked it on the floor. The movement was so fast nobody saw it. But there was dad, goo on his glasses, as evidence that something had happened.

Dad wiped his glass eyes and supressed a sob.

As he bent down to pick up the spoon Finn let rip with THE ANCIENT PLATE DROP. You can probably imagine the scene as the plate of goo landed upside down on dad's head.

Poor old dad had only been awake for a matter of minutes but already it felt like years...

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