Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Dog Bites Man

I was bitten by a dog while cycling across Clapham Common this morning. What, I wonder, is the etiquette and protocol involved?

a) Hurl abuse at the owner and cycle off.
b) Stop, call the police and have the dog taken away.
c) Kill the dog.

Answers on a postcard please.


  1. I was bitten by a pygmy marsupial on an island off the coast of Australia. I responded by hitting it hard with my Lonely Planet Guide to Australia. It flew a pleasing distance.

  2. I was once chased by a dog when I was running through Dulwich park. Woman owner told me to stop running and the dog would ignore me. I told her that the point of running was to err, run. A shouting match ensued when I believe I called her an ugly cow.

    The very next afternoon she tipped up at the shop looking for a copy of War and Peace.

  3. first part of a) followed by c).

  4. So, did she buy the book?

  5. I hate dogs. They only love you 'cos you feed them and their blind devotion drives me bonkers. At least cats are honest.

    Dogs poo. In London this is a real pain.

    Dogs bite people (adam) and sometimes eat small children.

    Whenever I'm out for a walk in the country you can bet some mutt will bounce up to me and try to lick my face/boots/bollo*ks at some point.

    Whatever happened to Barbara Woodhouse?

  6. If the bite broke skin, you might keep a good look at it and go to the doctors if it gets infected. Did you get the name of the owner?

  7. Get a rabies shot before you start hallucinating like Ray Milland in The Lost Weekend.