1) From the Post Office:
'If you hate spending time in queues, then you'll love Business Point
'The Post Office has recognised the needs of our highly valued mail customers by setting up and trialling a brand new, dedicated, fast-track business mailing and service point at your local branch for three months'
'We're happy to tell you that you have been specially selected as one of our very first customers to benefit from Business Point at the Post Office.'
Ooh, we're so special...
'In business, it's well known that time equals money'
How true it is, how true.
So, 'simply turn up your Business Point card (attached) at your local Post Office and enjoy a priority service.'
'Your nearest Business Point is located here'
The map indicates a branch somewhere near Victoria station. About 25 minutes walk from the shop. Our 'local' branch is on Westminster Bridge Road, about 2 minutes walk from the shop. I don't think I've ever spent 46 minutes in a queue at this branch which I suppose somewhat negates the net loss in travelling by going to our local Business Point branch.
The Post Office has just wasted my time with this gimmick which, as we all know, in business, equals money.
2) From EDF the energy company:
A lovely cardboard box arrives with the words
'A SMALL SOLUTION to one of the world's biggest problems' in a pleasant shade of Lincoln Green.
Inside, an Acorn! and a leaflet. On the front of the leaflet:
'PLANT THIS ACORN
'When it grows it will begin taking carbon dioxide (CO2) from the atmosphere - helping to tackle one of the main sources of global warming. By the time it reaches maturity it could remove more than 0.75 tonnes of CO2 - that's enough to offset up to 13% of an average small business' annual emissions
'Our Climate Balance Tariff enables your business to do the same - help offset CO2 emissions - through tree planting and energy efficiency projects around the world.
'So if you want to do your bit to tackle global warming, switch to our Climate Balance Tariff today.'
'How It Works
- A small premium of 0.40 p (excl. VAT) per unit of electricity is added to our standard unit prices.
- This premium is used to help fund energy efficiency and reforestation projects locally and around the world.
- Together these projects help balance your business' impact on CO2 levels in the atmosphere'
I won't even begin to start my tirade on cynical, bandwagon-jumping, business behemoths sending out ridiculous marketing ploys to rid us of our money. Suffice to say I'm very tempted to go home, turn the car on and leave it running all day.
Do both of these companies really think we're complete fucking idiots.