Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A chronic case of Dailymailitis

A bloke in the shop in his 40's looking at the kids section,

'ooh, you have a wonderful choice'

'Thank you'

'Anthing beautifully illustrated you would recommend for a 4 year old'

'Yes, how about this, or this'

He has a bit of a browse, I happen to notice he's using plastic supermarket bags to carry his un-supermarket-like items, hmm... And wearing some nylon trousers with white trainers... hmmm... And no wedding ring... Most dads at this time of the evening buying stuff for their kids are in their suits on the way to the station to take the train back to Godalming... hmmmm... And a really ugly 80's polo shirt... hmmmmmmmmmm... Why's he buying lovely books for a 4 year old??? He's to old to have a 4 year old... And not old enough to be a grandad... hmmmmmmmmmmmm... OH MY GOD HE'S A PAEDO!

God I hate the Daily Mail and it's pernicious, curtain-twitching, paranoid, bigotry. It gets every bloody where. I'm a liberal, imagine what this kind of paranoid junk does to people of a more inherently nervous and suspicious nature.

Is there a cure for dailymailitis?

Probably a strong dose of Newyorkreviewofbooksozac


  1. I think the word you are looking for is "Uncle".

    Signed, an aunt (with no wedding ring)...

  2. I know I know. It's them, NOT ME.

  3. I had an embarrassing incident recently. I was walking down a quiet residential street and as we passed the front garden of a house, my wife noticed that my son's shoelaces were undone.

    She bent down and as I stood waiting, a little boy in the garden started chatting to me about his toys. I talked to him for half a minute when I suddenly noticed his mother banging on the window with a terrified look on her face.
    'Come in. Now!' she shouted.

    I suddenly realised that she couldn't see my wife, who was bending down, or my son, who is small, as they were obscured by the garden wall. Instead, the mother saw her son chatting to a lone man.

    'Get up, now!' I pleaded with my wife, but that didn't help. The mother looked even more perplexed as my wife suddenly popped-up from nowhere like a genie.

    It was a depressing incident.